Dear Me, I Can't Keep Doing This To Myself

Jan 7, 2024

Dear Me, I Can't Keep Doing This To Myself

Jan 7, 2024

This has been on my mind for some time now.

This feeling, this childlike joy I once had in life has somehow disappeared.

I remember a time when everything was new, filled with the excitement of first experiences, the high of dreaming big in my high school days, and the risk of stepping into the unknown.

The desire I had to learn was endless, this need to constantly doing something or discovering something new. That was when I was truly my happiest, free from the burdens and obligations that I feel now.

Each day back then was a journey, an adventure driven by curiosity.

It wasn't about a routine; it was about exploring, pushing boundaries, and diving headfirst into what's new. My life was defined by this thirst for discovery.

But these days, when I see the pain and struggle in the world, it's like my own happiness has been overshadowed. There's so much people longing for basic needs and opportunities, and it hurts to see the gap between people's dreams and their belief in their ability to achieve them.

Ever since I heard Ira Glass talk about the creative process, I’ve felt inspired to close the gap.

I've come to understand that my current state is because I've lost touch with that drive, that purpose that once fueled me. Although I hesitated to make this video because it’s not ready, I had to make this video.

As a pledge to myself to get back to that relentless curiosity and passion i once had.

So here I am, now - presenting in my purest form – just me, raw, unfiltered. No VFX or trendy transitions. It's just about this message, about finding my way back to who I truly am.

It's a reminder to myself that the journey and the learning are what matter, not just the destination.

I’m not waiting around for the 'perfect time' anymore.

As I’m trying to rekindle this old flame of curiosity, to live with purpose and passion again.

I've realized, a pattern. We all go through these phases in life.

You feel unstoppable for a while, making high high’s.

Then things slow down, and you're just going through the motions.

And finally, you hit a stop loss far below your lowest lows.

Everything around you quiet, your question your vision, and you're left questioning your abilities, unable to see the next step.

This message, is for my but is also for those who are feeling remotely close to these thoughts.

For those who've are searching for their sense of purpose in your position, who are struggling with finding joy in the simple things like taking a break or reading a physical book.

It's a call or better yet a challenge to reignite that spark, to find joy in self-discovery once more.

Think of your mind like a big network of roads, with each road leading to different places. Every morning, I stand in the mirror and think about where I want to go that day.

  • I ask myself, am I doing things today to be popular or to really make a difference?

  • When I'm working, am I just trying to make money, or am I trying to earn people's respect?

  • I think about whether I'm chasing fame or if I'm really following my heart.

  • With each project, I wonder if it's just something for my portfolio or if it truly means something to me.

  • When I post stuff online, I question if I'm looking for likes or if I'm truly confident in what I'm sharing.

  • I also think about whether I'm just working on improving myself a little bit, or if I'm all in and totally committed.

These questions guide me because—

If Not Now, Then When?

They help me choose which road to take.

Each choice I make is a step in my journey, narrating the story of my life.

It's like every day is a new page in my journal, and I write it with the choices I make and the things I do. In this story, every decision matters.

In a moment of honesty, my friend reminded me of my fear of not being perfect.

Not only was this revelation was unsettling; but it forced me to confront a truth I had been avoiding. Accepting that I was chasing an impossible standard of perfection, but I knew deep down I knew she was right.

I've come to understand that this pursuit of perfection is a mask, obscuring the genuine person I am.

Reality has taught me that not everything can be meticulously planned or controlled. Life doesn't unfold like a perfectly choreographed scene in a movie.

Sometimes, embracing the unexpected moments and going with the flow is the only way.

Creativity is not a linear path but a journey through doubt and fear, entwined with moments of excitement, uncertainty, and a mix of pleasure and pain. While this journey often results in joy, the frustration of repeating the same actions without visible progress can be disheartening.

How many conversations will it take for me to realize that others do relate to my feelings?'

Trusting others for me is a work in progress, and finding those who are truly worthy of trust is an even greater challenge. While there are moments of uplifting, there are also days when even getting out of bed is a struggle.

I've come to an annual realization that the real essence of life is in facing and letting go of the fears that have shaped my past.

When I found myself lacking, I planted a seed of hope and faith.

In return, I believe God has blessed me with wisdom far more precious than gold.

Now, as I see God's Plan unfolding, my true mission is becoming clear and is being felt in my surroundings.

I've learned that my emotions are influenced by what I allow into my mind and body. The outcomes I witness in my life are a mirror of what I allow to enter my world.

This understanding has been a guiding light, showing me that the true measure of my journey is not just in the visible progress but in the wisdom and strength gained along the way.

It's about embracing both the highs and the lows, recognizing that each day is a step towards a greater understanding and a closer alignment with my mission.

I've always dreamed of a career in filmmaking. It's a passion that's driven me since I can remember. But there's this question that often crosses my mind: if I were incredibly wealthy, would I still follow this path?

This leads to a deeper thought – how would we live our lives if making money wasn't the goal?

My talent for creating visually stunning images and lighting darker skin tones is something I recognize and value. But I'm on a quest to uncover the depths of my abilities, to explore uncharted areas of my calling.

I've always found deadlines a bit challenging,

yet I appreciate the structure they bring.

My journey into filmmaking wasn't born out of necessity. It was a choice, fueled by a unique view of the world and a burning desire to express it.

My background in marketing and management, acquired in business school, gave me opportunities to travel and lead.

At 19 years old, faced with such decisions, I dove in headfirst.

During those times, I reflected on what I needed more: more money, more time, greater impact, or a deeper sense of purpose?

Time and money, I realized, are not interchangeable. One often has to choose between them. Above all, keeping my peace of mind was my top priority.

I Learned That Dreams Are Free, But The Hustle Is Sold Separately.

The side hustles I pursued shouldn't be seen as burdens but as opportunities.

My aim isn't to gain effortlessly but to maintain a sense of freedom, unburdened by financial constraints. Ultimately, I strive for a level of autonomy and purpose.

"When you look at the most successful people in history, they all had a clear vision. I’m talking about people like Gandhi, Steve Jobs, and Martin Luther King Jr. They all knew what they wanted. They identified the one thing that was meaningful to them. They followed that vision in everything they did. That's what I want to do.”

This year, my journey is all about discovery and diving into the unknown.

I'm seeking a life enriched with love and experiences, not just possessions.

For me, real joy stems from gaining information, quality time alone and facing challenges with people, not from material things.

I'm eager to embrace new experiences, driven by longing for genuine, honest interactions. Not just financial transactions.

As I scroll down this path, I plan to share the insights and treasures that I find with those who can benefit from them the most. Discussing life and the best ways to live it, wherever we are.

If money was no object, living fully, loving deeply, and learning without end is exactly what I'd be doing.

My thirst for knowledge, my love for reading, drives me to press into life's deeper meanings.

I'm learning to act on my ideas without waiting for perfection. Accumulating wealth is not my aim; it's about ensuring that whoever takes my position in life is not starting from the bottom like I had to.

However, this journey isn't without it's challenges.

While we all seek wealth, not everyone is willing to put in the time it demands.

Too often, dreams are left as drafts, to be revisited 'another day.' In those moments of silence in bed, it's clear that the essence of life isn't in how quickly we respond, but in the sincerity of our words and actions.

Along with discovery, comes the realization of life's responsibilities –

  • paying taxes

  • apologizing when necessary

  • admitting when we don't have all the answers

  • embracing discipline

  • waking up on time

  • staying hydrated

  • avoiding the trap of giving up before even starting.

Reflecting on my own journey, I've come to realize that growing up is really about embracing humility.

It's accepting that I might not always be right and that there's strength in facing challenges head-on.

I've learned it's time to stop just talking about who I want to be and actually start living as that person every single day.

For me, being active and productive isn't just about ticking off tasks; it's about achieving a sense of fulfillment. I'm working on breaking free from the internal chains that hold me back – the guilt, the shame, the fear, and the sense of failure, even the financial burdens.

These things shouldn't define my path.

Instead, I'm focusing on what really matters for my own personal growth. I'm learning to understand myself better, to live without constant distractions, and to really acknowledge where I've gone wrong and where I want to be heading.

Developing my personal brand has become a journey that transcends professional achievements. It's about setting meaningful goals in all areas of my life and truly committing to them. It's turning my dreams and visions into reality while finding a balance between my responsibilities and my aspirations.

This journey is about reflection, action, and continuous growth.

To me, this is what living a fulfilling life is all about. It's about growth, exploration, and pursuing a life that's not just about existing but about loving deeply, learning endlessly, and embracing every part of the journey.

During a trip I took last year, a friend shared some wisdom that has stayed with me:

"The way you serve others in life shapes how you're remembered after you're gone. Your legacy is built from all your actions, as each ending paves the way for new beginnings."

We all have our struggles, each unique and challenging. But what if the key to overcoming our own challenges also helped others?

Tackling hunger is a monumental task, and I recognize its complexity. It's not just about providing food; it's about instilling hope and creating opportunities. The biblical story of Jesus feeding thousands wasn't just about providing food; it was also about the power of faith and the importance of generosity.

This realization has shifted my focus.

I Feel Call to Do More

It's about helping people, not just prioritizing problems.

I might not have caused these issues, but I feel it's my responsibility to contribute to solutions.

Empowerment, I've learned, comes from access to the right information. Those in the kitchen have the most access to food, but real power lies in having the tools to provide for oneself.

Imagine a life system – a central database of knowledge, guiding rather than instructing, where clarity and faith turn visions into reality. This is more than just a system; it's a pathway to actualize visions, passions, and purposes.

In our over saturated world of infotainment, filtering the noise is crucial.

Think about your life. The tasks ahead of you aren't always convenient Are you easy to anger, Is there a constant stress, do you just wish things could be simpler.

Each night, as you charge your phone, and each day, as you sort your emails, remember that your life already follows a pattern. This time, I’m channeling every minute purposefully, turning each minute into impactful progress. Sitting here, I'm prepping for a period of purposeful action and kingdom achievements.

This time, I’m ensuring that every minute invested is returned with interest.

I’ll continue making meaningful films and impactful memories, but I also want to explore new curiosities and expand my capabilities.

I never wanted to be on YouTube, so why not start there.

To those reading and reflecting on my thoughts, I challenge you this year to confront yourselves.

  1. Embrace new challenges.

  2. Grow stronger

  3. Get more disciplined.

  4. Learn to move on.

You’ll either be inspired or become the inspiration.

I hope that in doing so, that you monetize your challenges, understanding that what takes months can be mastered in minutes.

Remember, the present swiftly turns into the past.

Until next time,

Goodbye and God Bless.

This has been on my mind for some time now.

This feeling, this childlike joy I once had in life has somehow disappeared.

I remember a time when everything was new, filled with the excitement of first experiences, the high of dreaming big in my high school days, and the risk of stepping into the unknown.

The desire I had to learn was endless, this need to constantly doing something or discovering something new. That was when I was truly my happiest, free from the burdens and obligations that I feel now.

Each day back then was a journey, an adventure driven by curiosity.

It wasn't about a routine; it was about exploring, pushing boundaries, and diving headfirst into what's new. My life was defined by this thirst for discovery.

But these days, when I see the pain and struggle in the world, it's like my own happiness has been overshadowed. There's so much people longing for basic needs and opportunities, and it hurts to see the gap between people's dreams and their belief in their ability to achieve them.

Ever since I heard Ira Glass talk about the creative process, I’ve felt inspired to close the gap.

I've come to understand that my current state is because I've lost touch with that drive, that purpose that once fueled me. Although I hesitated to make this video because it’s not ready, I had to make this video.

As a pledge to myself to get back to that relentless curiosity and passion i once had.

So here I am, now - presenting in my purest form – just me, raw, unfiltered. No VFX or trendy transitions. It's just about this message, about finding my way back to who I truly am.

It's a reminder to myself that the journey and the learning are what matter, not just the destination.

I’m not waiting around for the 'perfect time' anymore.

As I’m trying to rekindle this old flame of curiosity, to live with purpose and passion again.

I've realized, a pattern. We all go through these phases in life.

You feel unstoppable for a while, making high high’s.

Then things slow down, and you're just going through the motions.

And finally, you hit a stop loss far below your lowest lows.

Everything around you quiet, your question your vision, and you're left questioning your abilities, unable to see the next step.

This message, is for my but is also for those who are feeling remotely close to these thoughts.

For those who've are searching for their sense of purpose in your position, who are struggling with finding joy in the simple things like taking a break or reading a physical book.

It's a call or better yet a challenge to reignite that spark, to find joy in self-discovery once more.

Think of your mind like a big network of roads, with each road leading to different places. Every morning, I stand in the mirror and think about where I want to go that day.

  • I ask myself, am I doing things today to be popular or to really make a difference?

  • When I'm working, am I just trying to make money, or am I trying to earn people's respect?

  • I think about whether I'm chasing fame or if I'm really following my heart.

  • With each project, I wonder if it's just something for my portfolio or if it truly means something to me.

  • When I post stuff online, I question if I'm looking for likes or if I'm truly confident in what I'm sharing.

  • I also think about whether I'm just working on improving myself a little bit, or if I'm all in and totally committed.

These questions guide me because—

If Not Now, Then When?

They help me choose which road to take.

Each choice I make is a step in my journey, narrating the story of my life.

It's like every day is a new page in my journal, and I write it with the choices I make and the things I do. In this story, every decision matters.

In a moment of honesty, my friend reminded me of my fear of not being perfect.

Not only was this revelation was unsettling; but it forced me to confront a truth I had been avoiding. Accepting that I was chasing an impossible standard of perfection, but I knew deep down I knew she was right.

I've come to understand that this pursuit of perfection is a mask, obscuring the genuine person I am.

Reality has taught me that not everything can be meticulously planned or controlled. Life doesn't unfold like a perfectly choreographed scene in a movie.

Sometimes, embracing the unexpected moments and going with the flow is the only way.

Creativity is not a linear path but a journey through doubt and fear, entwined with moments of excitement, uncertainty, and a mix of pleasure and pain. While this journey often results in joy, the frustration of repeating the same actions without visible progress can be disheartening.

How many conversations will it take for me to realize that others do relate to my feelings?'

Trusting others for me is a work in progress, and finding those who are truly worthy of trust is an even greater challenge. While there are moments of uplifting, there are also days when even getting out of bed is a struggle.

I've come to an annual realization that the real essence of life is in facing and letting go of the fears that have shaped my past.

When I found myself lacking, I planted a seed of hope and faith.

In return, I believe God has blessed me with wisdom far more precious than gold.

Now, as I see God's Plan unfolding, my true mission is becoming clear and is being felt in my surroundings.

I've learned that my emotions are influenced by what I allow into my mind and body. The outcomes I witness in my life are a mirror of what I allow to enter my world.

This understanding has been a guiding light, showing me that the true measure of my journey is not just in the visible progress but in the wisdom and strength gained along the way.

It's about embracing both the highs and the lows, recognizing that each day is a step towards a greater understanding and a closer alignment with my mission.

I've always dreamed of a career in filmmaking. It's a passion that's driven me since I can remember. But there's this question that often crosses my mind: if I were incredibly wealthy, would I still follow this path?

This leads to a deeper thought – how would we live our lives if making money wasn't the goal?

My talent for creating visually stunning images and lighting darker skin tones is something I recognize and value. But I'm on a quest to uncover the depths of my abilities, to explore uncharted areas of my calling.

I've always found deadlines a bit challenging,

yet I appreciate the structure they bring.

My journey into filmmaking wasn't born out of necessity. It was a choice, fueled by a unique view of the world and a burning desire to express it.

My background in marketing and management, acquired in business school, gave me opportunities to travel and lead.

At 19 years old, faced with such decisions, I dove in headfirst.

During those times, I reflected on what I needed more: more money, more time, greater impact, or a deeper sense of purpose?

Time and money, I realized, are not interchangeable. One often has to choose between them. Above all, keeping my peace of mind was my top priority.

I Learned That Dreams Are Free, But The Hustle Is Sold Separately.

The side hustles I pursued shouldn't be seen as burdens but as opportunities.

My aim isn't to gain effortlessly but to maintain a sense of freedom, unburdened by financial constraints. Ultimately, I strive for a level of autonomy and purpose.

"When you look at the most successful people in history, they all had a clear vision. I’m talking about people like Gandhi, Steve Jobs, and Martin Luther King Jr. They all knew what they wanted. They identified the one thing that was meaningful to them. They followed that vision in everything they did. That's what I want to do.”

This year, my journey is all about discovery and diving into the unknown.

I'm seeking a life enriched with love and experiences, not just possessions.

For me, real joy stems from gaining information, quality time alone and facing challenges with people, not from material things.

I'm eager to embrace new experiences, driven by longing for genuine, honest interactions. Not just financial transactions.

As I scroll down this path, I plan to share the insights and treasures that I find with those who can benefit from them the most. Discussing life and the best ways to live it, wherever we are.

If money was no object, living fully, loving deeply, and learning without end is exactly what I'd be doing.

My thirst for knowledge, my love for reading, drives me to press into life's deeper meanings.

I'm learning to act on my ideas without waiting for perfection. Accumulating wealth is not my aim; it's about ensuring that whoever takes my position in life is not starting from the bottom like I had to.

However, this journey isn't without it's challenges.

While we all seek wealth, not everyone is willing to put in the time it demands.

Too often, dreams are left as drafts, to be revisited 'another day.' In those moments of silence in bed, it's clear that the essence of life isn't in how quickly we respond, but in the sincerity of our words and actions.

Along with discovery, comes the realization of life's responsibilities –

  • paying taxes

  • apologizing when necessary

  • admitting when we don't have all the answers

  • embracing discipline

  • waking up on time

  • staying hydrated

  • avoiding the trap of giving up before even starting.

Reflecting on my own journey, I've come to realize that growing up is really about embracing humility.

It's accepting that I might not always be right and that there's strength in facing challenges head-on.

I've learned it's time to stop just talking about who I want to be and actually start living as that person every single day.

For me, being active and productive isn't just about ticking off tasks; it's about achieving a sense of fulfillment. I'm working on breaking free from the internal chains that hold me back – the guilt, the shame, the fear, and the sense of failure, even the financial burdens.

These things shouldn't define my path.

Instead, I'm focusing on what really matters for my own personal growth. I'm learning to understand myself better, to live without constant distractions, and to really acknowledge where I've gone wrong and where I want to be heading.

Developing my personal brand has become a journey that transcends professional achievements. It's about setting meaningful goals in all areas of my life and truly committing to them. It's turning my dreams and visions into reality while finding a balance between my responsibilities and my aspirations.

This journey is about reflection, action, and continuous growth.

To me, this is what living a fulfilling life is all about. It's about growth, exploration, and pursuing a life that's not just about existing but about loving deeply, learning endlessly, and embracing every part of the journey.

During a trip I took last year, a friend shared some wisdom that has stayed with me:

"The way you serve others in life shapes how you're remembered after you're gone. Your legacy is built from all your actions, as each ending paves the way for new beginnings."

We all have our struggles, each unique and challenging. But what if the key to overcoming our own challenges also helped others?

Tackling hunger is a monumental task, and I recognize its complexity. It's not just about providing food; it's about instilling hope and creating opportunities. The biblical story of Jesus feeding thousands wasn't just about providing food; it was also about the power of faith and the importance of generosity.

This realization has shifted my focus.

I Feel Call to Do More

It's about helping people, not just prioritizing problems.

I might not have caused these issues, but I feel it's my responsibility to contribute to solutions.

Empowerment, I've learned, comes from access to the right information. Those in the kitchen have the most access to food, but real power lies in having the tools to provide for oneself.

Imagine a life system – a central database of knowledge, guiding rather than instructing, where clarity and faith turn visions into reality. This is more than just a system; it's a pathway to actualize visions, passions, and purposes.

In our over saturated world of infotainment, filtering the noise is crucial.

Think about your life. The tasks ahead of you aren't always convenient Are you easy to anger, Is there a constant stress, do you just wish things could be simpler.

Each night, as you charge your phone, and each day, as you sort your emails, remember that your life already follows a pattern. This time, I’m channeling every minute purposefully, turning each minute into impactful progress. Sitting here, I'm prepping for a period of purposeful action and kingdom achievements.

This time, I’m ensuring that every minute invested is returned with interest.

I’ll continue making meaningful films and impactful memories, but I also want to explore new curiosities and expand my capabilities.

I never wanted to be on YouTube, so why not start there.

To those reading and reflecting on my thoughts, I challenge you this year to confront yourselves.

  1. Embrace new challenges.

  2. Grow stronger

  3. Get more disciplined.

  4. Learn to move on.

You’ll either be inspired or become the inspiration.

I hope that in doing so, that you monetize your challenges, understanding that what takes months can be mastered in minutes.

Remember, the present swiftly turns into the past.

Until next time,

Goodbye and God Bless.

Re-calibrate Your Vison with J's Journal - a growing community of filmmakers committed to revolutionizing filmmaking.

Vision, Impact, Empower

Re-calibrate Your Vison with J's Journal - a growing community of filmmakers committed to revolutionizing filmmaking.

Vision, Impact, Empower

You are Seen

Last updated Jan 20, 2024 at 9:44 AM.
© 2023 Jordan Oram.